Independence...

As my girls get older I realize that they are becoming more and more independent. If I'm doing my job well as a Mom, I am actually preparing them to leave the nest...to be independent adults.

As Americans we value independence. In fact, we've fought wars for it. We sign declarations about it. We teach our children to tie their shoes, get themselves dressed, hold their own bottles, balance a checkbook, and do their own laundry. All so they can be independent someday. It's a part of our culture. And it is good. We shouldn't rely on Mommy and Daddy to feed us forever. And reliance on the government for our care isn't good either. And if independence means we are free from tyranny and persecution, it's definitely a good thing.

But is independence what God wants for us? I believe the answer to that is a really loudly yelled , "No!" In a world where are are taught from infancy to become independent, God wants us to unlearn that and teach us to be totally dependent...on Him!

Here's the thing. Eric left his job as a partner in a Big 4 accounting firm almost a year ago. Yes, he got a nice buyout. Yes, he is now working in a job that he absolutely loves. And yes, we have managed to pay our bills each month...so far.

But there will come a time, only God knows, when the money will run out. The buyout, the retirement accounts, the life insurance savings, will run out. And then we won't be able to pay our bills. We have no idea when that will happen. We have no idea what we'll do when it does. We have no idea how we've lasted as long as we have.

Or maybe we do. We have become dependent. Not on government or other people or some faceless institution. We have become dependent on God. We know that He is the only person we can depend on. We know that He knows what's going to happen when. We know that we are precious to Him, that He takes cares of birds in fields, and that He knows how many hairs are on the tops of our heads. So why would we think He wouldn't take care of us?

So while we were both taught to be independent, God is teaching us something else entirely. He is teaching us to depend on Him. To trust that He has great plans for us, plans to prosper us and give us a future. And so, that is what we are trying to do...every day...sometimes I have to remind myself to do it every hour...or even minute. Because I have thought for so long that I had to do it all by myself...how great is our God that He doesn't expect or even want me to do that any longer!

O Praise Him!

Can't Sleep...

Do you have those nights? You wake up hours before the alarm clock knowing that the next day is a day when you really need to be well rested, and yet...

This is one of those nights... As usual, I spent the night in self-flagellation mode. Questioning everything I've said or done. Wondering once again why I can't just be satisfied. Why I can't just accept things the way they are. Why I always want to make things better. Or at least my version of better.

You see, if I would just settle, life would be so much easier. But something has happened in me...

In some of my darkest moments, in the not too distant past, I have prayed that Jesus would bring me home. My preference would be that He would bring me and all of His faithful home by returning again and claiming the earth as His. But there have also been times when I just wanted to go...even if it meant going all by myself. Now I see how selfish that is, and I don't want that at all. Of course, there are my children and husband to consider. But it's more than that...

There are so many people in the world who don't know Him. They haven't yet been introduced to Jesus. Or maybe they have but they haven't reached out to shake His hand yet. They may be asking lots of questions or not see Jesus alive in the people who claim to know Him. I have been overwhelmingly burdened for these people in recent months. Of course, there's salvation and the promise of heaven. And that is such an awesome future, I can't imagine how anyone could not choose it. But there is more to it than that...

There is today. Today when I wake up knowing that whatever "man" throws at me, God will love me. Knowing that even if I do screw up, God will forgive me. That because of Jesus, God won't even see those sins. Knowing that even as I need to make a difficult decision, I don't do it alone. God, the Creator of the entire universe, is here to help me make this choice. Knowing that when I cry because of my own hurts or the hurst of those I love, He cries too.

And I want everyone to know the Jesus I know. I want everyone to be able to rest in the knowledge that they are never alone. That they never have to make a difficult choice by themselves. When I think about people I love who don't know Him, my eyes fill with tears. My heart grows heavy.

And so, I'm not willing to settle. I'm not willing to just sit back and let things be. I want it to be better. I want people to know Jesus. And I want to be a part of making that happen. I want to be a part of sharing Him with others and I want to be surrounded with people who have the same desire. Who are hungry to let others know what Jesus has done in their lives. I'm sure this sounds corny, or maybe even a little loony.

But God wants so much more from us. And by His amazing grace, I want to give it to Him.

Picking Your Battles

So we're all familiar with this phrase.

To take the analogy further, I suppose we're supposed to focus more on the war than the battles.

What's funny is, I most often hear the phrase used when it comes to parenting. The wise older Mom says not to fight your second grader who wants to wear the green polka dot shirt with the purple plaid skirt and the bright yellow knee socks to school (or maybe that's not a good example this season, as the Today Show recently did a piece saying that mixing patterns is actually a good thing ). Or don't argue with your teenager about keeping his or her hair out of their face. You know what the "battle" is in your house...

But these aren't really the things that matter are they? We understand the analogy but...

Are we really comparing raising our children with war? Seems like an odd analogy to me. After all, wars bring don't bring joy. They don't sit in your lap and cuddle up close to you. They don't have that special yummy smell when they get out of the bath or shower. They don't hold your hand to cross the street or hug your legs when they see you crying. Wars don't ask you to tuck them in at night or want you to sing them a song. I've never once seen a war movie where the war giggled when I played peek-a-boo or, as they got older, tickled them in the tummy.

Parenting is hard...parents of those lost in war can attest to that. And parenting is something you must commit to with your whole heart, just as our soldiers do when they take up arms against enemies. But to say parenting is like war...

Just watch your sleeping child tonight and you'll know that analogy is wrong.

Trying

I'm trying. If you're a Mom, you've undoubtedly heard a child say this to you at some point. "I'm trying, Mom," as they struggle to sound out those first words. "I'm trying, Mother," (did you hear the tone in that one?) as you encourage them to keep studying for finals when the memory of those first days reading are years behind you.

Aren't we all trying?

Or shouldn't we be?

I guess that's the question. Should we always be trying? Or at some point do we just say, "I'm done trying."

In the faith world, we talk a lot about our journeys...implies we're going somewhere. Isn't trying the same thing? Aren't we trying to get somewhere? And shouldn't we?

In churches we hear a lot about being content. About resting in God's plans for you. Trusting in Him. And yet, we saw Jesus moving. Even as a young child he "moved" away from his family to listen and learn in a temple while they were all visiting Jerusalem. His parents found him there days later. David didn't settle, he kept expanding his kingdom, knowing that he had been chosen by God for just that purpose. We saw Paul moving, going on missionary journeys throughout the Mediterranean up until the time of his death. They were always on a journey.

I think that's what God wants for us too. He doesn't want us to settle. He doesn't want us to sit still. I know, Be still and know that I am God. I believe that verse. I don't always live it, but I do believe it. God does want us to sit still and listen to what He has to say to us.

But I doubt He would tell us to just sit still, do nothing in our lives. I believe God calls us to act...to action. He calls us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind. And He calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Love requires action.

So here it is...my first blog entry.

I'll start this way. I like to write. I like the act of putting my words down on paper. And then later, maybe, letting someone read them.

So here's why I like it that way. As the name of the blog implies...I tend to speak the truth. And sometimes that isn't a good thing. So if I write it down, there is still time to edit. There is still time to soften the words. To make sure they are PC. To think about tone. To think about how the hearer, or reader in this case, will receive them.

That's just not true when I talk. I tend to just say whatever pops into my head. And that's not always good. It is truth...or at least my version of it. But it's still not good. Sometimes truth should stay just where it was...locked inside my head.

So, I'll try to speak truth here. And I'll also try to be sure to edit myself. I can't always guarantee it won't offend or that it will be PC, but I will try.